Is my body perhaps getting used to the chemicals?

I think the side effects may be lessened this time. Yes I've had a few sicky waves which are nasty but I think fewer than last time. Food still tastes funny and sweet stuff just dreadful. I haven't dared try to drink anything cold yet to test how my throat will react as it isn't the best experience.

On return from the hospital I sat on the swing seat in the back garden enjoying the sun. My hands cramped up a few times and I got cramp in my toes but the tingly fingers are most definitely less apparent. I hope that continues.

I debated whether to stay in the garden or to indulge in TV antique programme porn. The latter won out and I watched Flog It followed by Bargain Hunt. I didn't go for Antiques Roadshow as I thought I might overdose. Instead I went for a liedown which is really unusual for me. I slept for about 15 minutes and found it difficult to get up but I forced myself as I'm sure wallowing in it really isn't good for me as I'm aware of the nausea. Distraction is by far the best strategy for me.

2nd treatment cycle

I'm sitting in the chemo suite having Oxaliplatin dripped into me. The bag on the drip stand has a big yellow sticker plastered on it which says "CYTOTOXIC DRUG". Google cytotoxic and it's no wonder that you feel like shit for a few days after it's been pumped into your system.

I'm typing this slowly with my left hand as they're using my right arm this time. When the nurse tried to put the line in she unfortunately hit a valve. Ouch! So she had to insert it a bit higher up. She also informed me that chemo damages the veins so they liked it when they got a good, fat healthy one as they can use it a few times before it becomes wrecked.

As I was one of the first in this morning I got my choice of seats and grabbed one next to the window. Here I can see the wind chasing little fluffy clouds (musical reference there folks) across the blue, blue sky. The wind is also playing with the leaves on a cherry tree outside and it's nice to feel a bit in touch with nature when something so unnatural is happening.

The ward is now full and just as I was about to whinge on this blog about the lack of the tea trolley it arrives, staffed by two volunteers. Bliss. A nice cuppa always lifts me and I also had a digestive biscuit to complete the experience.

The side effects have kicked in already and that bloody awful throat thing is evident. It can come on not only when you drink something cold but merely by breathing air which is slightly cold.  So sitting next to the window is somewhat hazardous but on balance I think the benefits outweigh the down side.

However this treatment cycle seems much quicker and I was able to leave after 3 hours, a bit woozy but generally okay.

Oncology appointment Monday 2nd June

I had my appointment with the Oncologist yesterday who noticed the cold sore under my nose. Well I'd be a bit concerned if he hadn't noticed it because it's a bloody big scabby thing. I told him I had been prone to them in the past but hadn't had one for about 10 years. He said it was because my immune system was compromised. He said he hoped it was a one off but if I got another he'd put me on anti viral drugs. He didn't want to do so if he could get away with it as I would have to take them for the whole of the chemo period.

So bugger me, what happens. I wake up this morning with a nascent cold sore on my lip. Arse. Straight down to Boots for their own brand of Zovirax cream. £3 cheaper than the proprietary brand. I hope I've managed to nip it in the bud but that's it, I'm going onto the anti virals as I cannot go though the next 6 months with scabs all over my boat.

On the plus side, my bloods were fine so I'm good to go for the next round of treatment starting on Thursday. I'm a bit anxious about it as the side effects weren't pleasant but you never know, this time they could be better, or they could be worse. I'll have to wait and see.

Whilst waiting for the result of my blood test yesterday (they take the blood and test it immediately so you get the results in half an hour) a colleague and his partner sat down opposite me. He had bowel cancer two years ago and had the same op and same chemo as me. However he reacted badly to it so had his regime changed after two treatments. He was back for the results of his latest six month scan and said that waiting for the scan results was worse than the chemo as his anxiety levels really build up. Anyway he emailed me yesterday saying the scan was clear and he didn't have to go back for another for 12 months. Great news.

27 May - behind with the posts already

I've not posted for a week as my side effects have largely settled down to tolerable levels. I'm still slightly nauseous but it's very mild and I'm managing okay with it. I feel a bit fatigued but nothing too debilitating and I managed to do a full week's work and three runs. The only thing of note being that I've developed a cold sore underneath my left nostril. I've not had a cold sore for years and whilst I did get them on my lips I also used to have them appear in my nostrils and under my nose. However I thought they were a thing of the past until this one appeared. It's obviously as a result of my lower resistance due to the drugs knocking out my white blood cells. The information sheets do warn you of this so it's not unusual.

My mouth is slightly sore but not enough to stop me eating or drinking and one thing that had just come on in the last few days is that my feet are itchy, particularly at night. Again, these are noted possible side effects and I wonder if my body is playing some kind of side effect bingo where it's seeing if it can tick the whole bloody lot off. Still I haven't had the runs or been violently sick so I still feel pretty grateful for minor irritants.

After I take my last three Capetacine this evening that will be me off the chemo for my one week break. I see the Oncologist again on the 2nd and begin my next cycle on the 5th. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it after my first batch of treatment. Yes I tolerated it but that first week wasn't pleasant. I certainly don't miss the horrible sick wave, tingling fingers and perhaps the worst thing, the strange throat sensation. On the other hand I did manage it. It will be interesting to see whether my body and my mind cope better having been through it once and knowing that the worst symptoms do pass and that after a time I can feel almost normal. As I've already said, I intend to keep things like my work and running going for as long as I can.

Almost normal

I'm pleased that since yesterday, the really bad nausea has lifted and I haven't needed the anti emetics. There is a vague feeling of sickness but it's low level and I'm well able to cope with it. My tastebuds have returned to normal and hurrah.....I can eat cake again. Joy, joy.

The nerves in my throat have settled down too so I have been able to drink normally. More joy.

I did feel a bit of fatigue mid afternoon today but that passed and I was able to do a full group run at the club tonight. Overall the best day since I started treatment and I have savoured it.  Knowing that I can have almost normal days makes the thought of the continuing treatment easier and hopefully will remind me that feeling like crap won't last for ever.  This too shall pass.

Improvement?

With the nausea continuing I did take two anti emetics yesterday morning but kept it to just the one at lunch and dinner. This kept the feeling of sickness dampened down but I was aware of it all day nonetheless.

Friends had invited us to dinner at theirs yesterday evening and I took along a carton of warm pressed apple juice to drink with the meal. The pudding was an iced meringue parfait which I decided not to attempt to eat (boo) but the rest was delicious and it was good to socialise.

Today I think the sickness has lessened and I'm back down to one anti emetic before meals. Or again, I may just have got used to it. The nerve reaction in my throat persists when I eat or drink cold (or even warm as opposed to hot) stuff but I think I'm feeling less bothered about it mainly because it has been such a warm day and I've needed to drink more. Boiling a kettle to make a warm squash when the temperature is 20 degrees just seems perverse.

I did a run today and whilst it was tough due to the heat I'm glad I made the effort. I did enjoy it too given how lovely the Skyline walk looked.

Magnum obsession

Woke up feeling very nauseous and getting going was difficult so I dug into my anti emetics. They took the edge off but I may have to double up the dose tomorrow as I have felt quite sick all day. However having the great news about Siobhan's engagement to Giles and it being such a lovely day stopped me feeling miserable.

I haven't been sick, which I think is a good sign and I think that things will settle down. Less of the finger thing going on but still a bit unpleasant to drink cold stuff. If I do it feels as if my throat is constricting which makes it difficult to swallow. So no cooling drinks for me today as I had to make do with warm squash and tea. I also rather fancied a Magnum or something similar but thought it wise not to go there, particularly as I'm still getting a nasty taste in my mouth when I eat anything sweet. Double trouble so probably best avoided but it is strange how one tends to obsess on forbidden fruit and one can feel a bit cheated.

First chemo run...will this get me banned from the Olympics?

Went for a four and a half mile run tonight and it was absolutely glorious. What a beautiful evening. For those of you who know the area I started at the University's Sports Training Village and ran through the woodland trail behind the residences. I then ran to Sham Castle and turned right towards the golf course which I crossed then skirted the course keeping to the contour of the down. I crossed the course again running past the reservoir and joined Bushy Norwood at the far end as it drops into the woods. Ran Bushy the easy way (downhill) and through the wooded area back to the STV. Picked up my free Bath Chronicle and jogged back home.

It did feel good to be out in the warm evening sunshine and whilst running the mild nausea I've been feeling all day was in check. Must be something to do with the nerve endings in the stomach being distracted by the exertion of running.

Still a few finger problems but definitely they have lessened, as have the awful sicky waves. Or perhaps I've just got used to them but I think it is happily the former. Sweet stuff still tastes dreadful and cold food and drink a no no as it sets off a painful reaction in my jaw which meant I had to have warm squash on my return from my run.

A good meal of lamb, jacket potato and home grown purple sprouting broccoli (the last of the year according to Alan) cooked by my wonderful husband and my last pills of the day. Now for posting this and winding down for the evening.

Day two....I'll have to be more creative with my titles

The morning started off slowly as I felt was can be technically described as a bit yeuchy. The biggest problem however is the continued problems with getting my fingers to work. This made the smallest of tasks, which I usually take for granted, quite difficult. Putting on my make up took even longer than usual as I couldn't open my eyeshadow, hold my eye pencil, unscrew the mascara and putting it on proved amusing.

As for getting dressed I had fun wrestling with my bra catch and trying to put on tights was hilarious. Nonetheless I did make it to work and as I was walking there the same pins and needles sensation manifested itself in my feet and the wind blowing on my face set the nerves off so that I felt tingling all over.

Apart from difficulty using a keyboard and trying to hold a pen to write something remotely legible, I did manage to get some work done and solved some problems, although I didn't quite manage world peace. Perhaps tomorrow.

One other curious side effect is that sweet stuff tastes bloody awful. A colleague made a lovely Bounty Bar cake for the office to celebrate her birthday. Yum yum, I LOVE coconut. Unfortunately Yum Yum turned to Yuk Yuk as the choco coconut combo tasted curiously of fish. What a cruel twist of fate as cake is one of my favourite things. Let's hope that's one of the short lived symptoms.
I'm pleased to say the sicky wave has lessened today. I had a few occurrences of it and it is horrible but mercifully it doesn't last long.

Fingers crossed my fingers work better tomorrow.....and so to bed, after I've checked Facebook and Twitter.

Day one

I has my pre-treatment appointment yesterday where the nurse went through what I could expect and the possible side effects of treatment. On they way out I had to pick up my Goodie Bag from the dedicated oncology pharmacy. Wow!
Right for all of those who get off on tablets here is the regime. I had an anti-emetic that I had to take this morning before I left for the hospital. I should have also taken a steroid but the instructions on the packet were not helpful. (I'll try and attach a photo but I'm a newby blogger.) Lesson number one - read ALL the instructions on the packet. This oversight had slightly unpleasant consequences but more of that later.
I have tablets for if I get violently sick or have terrible diarrhoea. I have mouthwash in case my mouth gets sore and ulcerated. I also have tablets that form part of the main Chemo treatment.
I arrived at the Chemo department at the RUH on time this morning and was quickly taken to my seat in the day treatment ward. It was light and airy and fairly busy but there was an air of calm. My nurse for the day, Fiona, asked me if I'd taken my medication before arriving. I proudly said yes, I'd taken the anti-sickness pill. She said, "What about the steroid tablets?" I had to confess no and right away I felt that I'd blotted my perfect patient copybook. Fiona was fine about it and reassured me that it does happen and it wasn't too much of a problem as she could give it to me via a drip before the main drug was administered. She warned me that I would have a weird sensation of an itchy bottom. She was right. About 30 seconds after setting the drip going I had a strong, red hot, unbearably itchy feeling in my nether regions. Fiona said it would wear off before too long. Again she was right and my lesson was well and truly learnt. I won't do that again.

With that I was onto the main event. I'm having a cocktail of two drugs, Oxaliplatin and Capecitabine the combination of which is known as Xelox. The former is given via a drip, the latter I take as tablets for two weeks after the drip. I then have a week off and the whole cycle starts again.
I was hooked up to the drip for just over two hours and as the drug can make the arm a bit sore Fiona wrapped my arm in a heat pad. That certainly helped. As did the regular round of the Friends of the RUH volunteer with the tea trolley. Drip done I then had to sit whilst the line was flushed with a glucose solution, which took fifteen minutes. I then had to sit for 30 minutes just to make sure I wasn't going to have a bad reaction. I was then free.

Almost immediately some of the side effects kicked in. My arm felt quite sore and heavy but more strangely my fingers wouldn't work. It felt as if I had the worst pins and needles ever combined with that awful static electricity feeling you get when you discharge it through your hands. Only this happened whenever I touched anything which made zipping up my coat a new challenge.
Whilst waiting for Alan to arrive I felt a bit spacey and a tiny bit wobbly but nothing too bad. Challenge number two was trying to open the car door and challenge number three was to put on my seat belt. The sensation is particularly bad when you touch something cold. It's just so bloody weird and freaky.

Once home I settled down to an afternoon on the sofa to watch Antiques Road Trip, followed by Bargain Hunt, followed by Flog It. I'm having Chemo - I'm allowed!

So how are things now? Well the weird pins and needles thing also happens in my mouth and throat if I eat or drink anything colder than hot. Yes, really. It can be relieved by having a hot drink so the sensation doesn't last long, thank goodness. Likewise, when my hands cramp up Alan rubbing them warm or placing them on a hot water bottle settles them down. The arm is feeling less sore too. Unfortunately the worst thing is that every now and then I get an awful, totally overwhelming feeling of nausea wash all over me. It is really unpleasant and is followed by a 'hot flush' sensation that I hoped I'd left behind me in the menopause. Still, at the moment, it all feels manageable, particularly as the pins and needles thing should settle down after two days (and I hope the nausea does too). Long may it continue.
Round one over, seven to go.

My colon cancer

I'm writing this mainly for my own record but also for those who may have an interest in how things are going and perhaps don't want to ask.

I should probably start by saying how I feel about my cancer.  I don't think "Why me?"  I honestly believe it's just one of those things.  I've never smoked, have been totally abstinent from alcohol for four years, eat well and run three times a week.  So not exactly a bowel cancer candidate.  However I was lucky to recently sit next to an eminent Professor at a Uni dinner who said that whilst lifestyle factors raise one's risk, cancer is by it's very nature genetic.  In other words, I don't feel I did anything to 'deserve' it or bring it on myself or in reality could have done much to prevent it.

This brings me onto the subject of the language used around cancer.  I don't feel like a victim or a survivor or that I'm battling something.  This is totally out of my control.  However if other people gain strength from referring to themselves in that way, then that's fine by me.  We cope with this in the best way we can.  For me that means being open and honest and as matter of fact as I can be about my cancer and how I'm feeling.  It means trying to keep my life as normal as possible during my treatment.  How realistic that is will unfold over the next six months and as today is the first day of my Chemotherapy treatment.   How things have gone today will be the topic of my next blog; tingly fingers which are not working properly permitting - a slightly unpleasant side effect of the chemical I had pumped into me this morning.